Man, some crazy stuff has been going on in my personal life, and in the world around me, that makes me reflect on myself and how much positive change I have been able to make over the past few years. Now, I’m not perfect, nor do I wish to be, but I do stive to become better every day.
So let’s keep this short and sweet, cuz I know you’re busy and have better things to do than read 800 words of fluff.
Three mindset shifts which have helped me grow as a person
1. No one owes me anything. Once I stopped operating under the false assumption that people owe me something, I started to become more at ease with the way things are. Basically, it’s dropping the sense of entitlement that we walk around with, but it’s much deeper than that. It’s operating from a position of gratitude at all interactions in life.
Think about it, you are born into this world and your parents start giving you things right from the start. Food, shelter, possessions. You become accustomed to those things. You start to learn that all you need to do to receive similar things from others is to be around. In reality, you are lucky to even have parents, some children grow up without ANYONE. Therefore, my parents don’t owe me anything, neither does my employer, neither does my lover. I aim to earn what I am given.
Likewise, I don’t owe anyone anything. I give because it makes me feel good, not because I owe someone for something they did.
But don’t be confused. If I change a friends flat tire for him, that doesn’t mean I earned a beer, or even an invite to his bachelor party. No, I did it because I wanted to help, he doesn’t owe me anything.
No one owes me anything, and I don’t owe anyone anything. A healthy relationship can never operate from this angle.
2. Take responsibility for everything. The day I stopped blaming others for the negatives in my life was the day I started to take the reigns and truly move in the direction of becoming the person I want to be. When I was younger, and quite a snotty punk, I had a pretty bleak self image. I was shorter than most kids, and being a late bloomer didn’t help. I used to blame my parents for giving me “short genes”. Could you imagine! I should have been thankful just to be conceived! One day I stopped putting the blame on others for my shitty self image, and started lifting weights. Pretty soon I put on a drastic amount of muscle and had a renewed self esteem that only continues to grow upward to this day. I didn’t become taller, but I took responsibility and made positive changes. No one could have done that for me.
This can be applied in all kinds of situations. If you don’t like where you are today, whether in a specific scenario or just in general, take full responsibility. From that point you can realize that you create your own reality, and only you can change it moving forward.
3. Divorce my ego. Damn. This is a tough one, and will probably never be completely achievable. After all, the ego controls much of what we do, and it’s not always a bad thing. But there are times when your ego pulls the wool over your eyes and blinds you from seeing the reality of situations. People who are trying to help you become your enemies, you begin to do things just to spite people, regardless of if it’s good for you, you lose your head in clouded judgement – basically, if you really let it control you, you become your own worst enemy.
Think about the last time you were wrong, and you knew you were wrong, but you refused to admit it. Even worse, you kept pushing forward with the assertion that you were right! We’ve all been there. It never ends well. Simply admitting you’re wrong, quickly and empathetically, can be a huge starting point in allowing yourself to grow and learn from others. After all, no one on this earth knows everything, even if their ego wants them to believe otherwise.
Admitting you are wrong, apologizing, asking for help, acknowledging your flaws, avoiding validation-seeking behavior, seeing things from another persons point of view – these are all ways to divorce oneself from the ego. Try it, and see how different it feels to admit you’re wrong next time you realize it. If it’s with another person, and you do it quickly, you just might be surprised how they react.
That’s all I’ve got for today. Thoughts and opinions are welcome below, as long as they only serve to praise my points above! (Nah, just kidding.)